Five For Five!

Down another Five Pounds!! That makes a total of 49.5 lbs!!! Yay! I’m so excited! Next week I’m hoping to drop 3lbs. If I lose 2.5 I’ll be down to 250, but if I lose 3 then I’ll have broken through the 250’s!! This is monumental! I mean I haven’t been this light in years!

This was the boost I needed to keep going. And I’m going to go so far! Once I’m at 250, that’s only another 90-100lbs left to go. I know I can do this. I’m like the little engine that could. “I think I can, I think I can…” Except I’m like, “I know I will, I know I will…” (:

Other news is it’s freakin’ hot in my apartment. Just got an a/c unit that just sits on the floor and a hose goes out the window for heat exhaust, but it hasn’t completely cooled the place down yet. So I don’t think I’ll be sleeping in my room tonight. I’ll be on the couch, closest to a/c unit. This is also going to make exercise harder because I don’t want to pass out from heat stroke while going for a walk, or while balancing on a yoga ball with a five pound weight hovering above my head. Going to be spending a lot of time at my parent’s house swimming: get exercise and cool down at the same time? YES please! There’s going to be a heat wave next week too, so I will definitely be at my parent’s. ^o^

I think I’ll head out for a nice walk now that it’s a bit cooler out right now.

Bless this Stress

I'm am stressed!  And it's not helping.  I went down to part time at work to try and de-stress.  So that I could concentrate on the things that matter, like getting into school and EXECISING and EATING RIGHT.  I'm eating better, most of the time, but man I can't get myself wrapped around this whole exercising thing!  I wake up and I'm just so not in the mood to do anything.  I usually sit in front of the computer and dawdle.  Maybe tomorrow I'll at least get up and go for a walk.

I went shopping today and had to walk between stores lol.  Well actually I walked from one block of stores around Walmart to the Mall so that was a good twenty minutes of walking. In FLIP FLOPS! lol.  Alright I'll work on it!

Tranquil Minds

Last week I went to a Hypnotherapist. I’m going again this Wednesday. He’s trying to help me with the things that I want to change in my life. Like my weight for instance. There’s other stuff too which may or may not tie themselves into my weight issue as well. Like anxiety, stress, motivation, self-esteem, happiness et cetera.

It’s actually very relaxing. The first time I went to see him it was just a free consult to see if I wanted to start up which I’d already had set up in my mind that I did, so the free consult was kind of a waste of time. The second time I went was a real session except we had to do a lot of talking in the beginning so that he could get to know what I needed from him. This was actually kind of hard for me. It was hard for me to ask a total stranger for what I needed in my life. I mean if I needed a pencil I wouldn’t have trouble asking for a pencil, but eternal happiness…that’s hard to ask for. At least for me. I have the whole “I don’t deserve to be happy et cetera” mentality. Yup I’m a total martyr. Lol. So I got all shy and I don’t even remember what we were talking about by the time I “woke up” from my “trance”.

While I was “under” I could hear everything he said, but as soon as he went onto the next thing it was pushed back in a file folder in my brain and it kept doing that. So the only thing I really remember is that few minutes at the end where he told me to wake up.

He put this “post-hypnotic suggestion” in at the end. I remember talking about that before it began. So every time I take a sip of water my subconscious will inform kinda clue in to this idea that I can be happy confident motivated and slim.

As soon as I left I felt relaxed and sleepy. Lol. I wanted to get home so fast and have a sip of water to see if I would react differently to the same ole H2O. I think because I knew that he put that post-hypnotic suggestion in my head that I tried to feel better with that first sip, but I’ve been still drinking water ever since and it’s fading I think.

Can’t wait to see what will come of this.

 

What The Scale Told Me And Other Things I Learned This Week

I did go home, and I got on that scale friend and it told me I was 260 and I almost fainted.  Now I know that doesn't seem like much considering the other week I said that I was 258, but I was 258 on the weightcare scale and like 253 on the scale at home.  So I figured I'd gained like seven or so pounds.  But then I went to weightcare on Wednesday and I'd only gained a pound.  It's not a huge gain but it's also a gain.

Usually I'd look on the bright side (the only one pound side), but that's what I've been doing for the past twelve weeks and really I've only lost twelve pounds.  I lost the first ten pounds in the first week and then gained two by the next.  So really I've only lost four pounds in ten weeks.  Which is not good.

I had an inch of an epiphany.  More of a discovery really.  It's easier to explain if I say what happened last night. 

On my way home from work I stopped at the convenience store intending to buy A ice cream.  I bought TWO ice creams instead with the whole mindset that I would save the other one for later.  Well I get home and put them in the freezer and get all showered and ready for a relaxing evening. I grab the one ice cream, which was one of those rolo pops, from the freezer and enjoy it whilst reading emails.  About twenty minutes pass and I go to the freezer and get the second one and gobble that one up too!  So what happened in that twenty minutes that made me reach for the second one? 

Well, growing up in a house of four kids and four adults, you kind of develop this survival mentality.  Even though I didn't really need it.  Considering that my parents would never let me starve.  But I still had this "eat it all now or they will" instinct when it came to junk food and any food that I really enjoyed.  I think a lot of kids go through this "phase".  But I don't think I ever grew out of it.  Somewhere something signals to me to eat it all or I'll, I guess lose?

But really I'm losing now.  So I have to figure out how to reverse this.  I'm going to talk to the doctor at weightcare about this on Friday and I'm actually going to go see a hypnotist tomorrow and maybe that can help me get "rewired" too.

I guess we'll see.  There's always a brighter tomorrow right?